The celebration of our father’s life Donald Nothacker took place at Clonmell United Methodist Church in Gibbstown, NJ on Wednesday, May 20th. He passed away on the evening of Wednesday, May 13th surrounded by his daughter’s Sherri and Christine, and her mother. His obituary is available on the McBride-Foley Funeral Home’s website.

The Strength

Don, I called him Don, meant the world to us. I know Mrs U Do It loved him beyond words. And I remember at my father’s and mother’s funerals I was too emotional to speak. Last week Sherri’s mom told me that Don was too emotional to speak at his friend George’s funeral. And I can only imagine how much it hurt him deep inside that he couldn’t fight through those feelings to speak. I’ve given many public speeches in the past so I decided to write a eulogy for Don. I fought through tears preparing it.

The Service

The arrangements were made through McBride-Foley Funeral Home in Paulsboro. The same funeral home used for my parents services. Tom Foley and staff did a wonderful job of directing, providing comfort, and moving things along from the church to the cemetery.

The service was led by Reverend Chuck Mitchell. Chuck provided strength that helped all of us navigate through this difficult time. He yielded the podium to me so I could give my eulogy to Don. Next Alex gave a very emotional eulogy accompanied by a set of photos projected on the screens.

The Eulogy

I opened up starting that I’m a public speaker but I chose to read given the emotional circumstances. It contains some heartfelt moments as well as some humor.

Introduction

Hello everyone, in case you don’t know me, I’m John DiStefano. I’m also Sherri’s first husband, I was born in 69, I’m Gen X and did time at Bancroft in Haddonfield, and stayed back twice as a result. It all worked out for a reason. Because in 1985 1st day Freshman Year (I should have been a Junior) in Paulsboro High School Sherri walked into my life – literally walked right in front of me in Mrs. Dentino’s English class in a leather outfit that caught my attention. And I couldn’t help but notice every day she came to school in another suggestive outfit. Hey Now! Turns out that her mom was responsible for her attire like she was Madonna. And it worked!

Dating

As we started dating her mom and dad eventually welcomed me into their family. It took them a long time. Trust Issues. Remember, I’m special. When we were dating, I’d ride my bicycle from Paulsboro to their house in Gibbstown – exactly 4 miles our garage to their doorstep. We’d hang out in the family room watching TV. It was a cool room. Don converted ¾ of the garage into a family room.

Holidays

Their family was huge. We’d do the Christmas Eve tour and go to her parents, then her aunt’s, and her other aunt’s and so on. After Christmas before New Years get togethers were big. Summer get togethers. Then as life happens family members who were the glue for those traditions passed on. I loved Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, sometimes Christmas dinners. But, Billy and I made Christmas Eve more funner at the Nothacker household. There was always one of us getting undressed trying on Architect Pants or seeing what our white underwear would look like. I heard there’s photos somewhere. We’d give Don the ringer but I don’t think he’d have it any other way.

The Stories

I loved hearing stories told at the dinner table about Sherri’s parent’s younger years. He’d tell us about his relatives in Wildwood, and his first, his life at work. One thing stuck with me was that he had really great friends from Mobil/Valero. Until recently, they’d go to breakfast together. Some of them I worked with too while I was doing my co-op at the refinery in the early 90’s. The coolest thing I thought was the Mobil magazine came out and it was a photo of Don’s back in the foreground and the huge Coker Unit being hoisted in the background (that’s the unit he worked on). It was an iconic shot that was seen worldwide.

Sports

He was a Phillies fan, an Eagles fan, has a huge diecast Nascar collection because he loved it so much I was even there watching the Daytona 500 where Dale Earnhardt Sr. crashed. But, he is really a big Flyers fan and Sherri fell right in line. They’d watch the games together as she was growing up. He’d yell at the TV when they didn’t shoot or give up a goal. They’d watch WWF and wrestle together. Trust me, she was a tough girl from all that wrestling.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, Sherri loved her dad. I mean really loved him. Nothing prepares you for this but her telling me this over and over comforts me a little. If you have a chance to have dinner or go to a cookout with your family, please say yes and just do it. There’s very few times we turned down the opportunity to have dinner. It helped that her mom made the best meatballs, mashed potatoes, and potato salad. Like if it was bad food, I get it and understand why you might not want to go. But, you really don’t even have to cook or go out to dinner. Just pickup a 16 piece of fried chicken and take it over.

The Jersey Shore

I have vivid memories of visiting MomMoms house in Sea Isle City right on the corner of 42nd and Landis. Including taking the boat out in Corson’s Inlet, and walking to Angelo’s Pizzeria. We enjoyed going to Marie’s Seafood for dinner, grabbing lobsters at Mike’s and bringing them back to the upstairs to eat, and going for ice cream at Yum Yums. Even sitting around the TV in MomMom’s living room watching game shows, night time tv, and the unforgettable coverage of Princess Dianna’s car crash.

Memories are still fresh of running down with Sherri and her parents to prepare the house for storms and bringing her MomMom back inland to safety. Sitting on the upper deck overlooking 42nd Street watching the drunks stumbling back from the OD, and having chats all night. I really enjoyed the trips up to AC for the casinos. You know Sherri’s parents were lifelong members and knew how to get us into the all-you-can-eat buffet. When I mean I enjoyed it…my parents were good to me but Sherri’s parents were present and were there for us all the time and even in our older years.

Presence

1996 We bought our first home in Gibbstown right on 340 Kirkbride Drive and her parents were right there alongside us helping us decide. It was a great spot.

1997 We had our first marriage (some get two or three – I’m still on one) and once again we were blessed with the presence of her parents, grandparents, cousins, and friends. Some of it was a blur but there’s video of it and her parents were a major part of it!

Johnny’s Birth

2000 Johnny was conceived. Sherri’s parents were not there for that moment. But I can tell you it was just like that Friends episode. It was very procedural like a scientific experiment. I remember it well! Ok, moving on.

But her parents were there for a lot of Sherri’s pregnancy and after. We (Sherri, Johnny and I) are / were really fortunate to have them in our lives. We’d go down the shore with Johnny and Sherri’s Parents to MomMom’s (MomMom Ocean) and give him the full Jersey Shore treatment: Beach, Boardwalk, Arcade, Amusement Rides, Dinner, Sleep, Repeat.

2005 We decided to move and started looking for places. Sherri’s parents once again were right alongside us every step of the way.

MomMom Ocean Passing

Sherri’s MomMom passed in 2008 and the estate sold her Sea Isle home. We missed her and the home so much whenever we were down the shore we’d make a point to ride past it and take a photo. Then four years later Sherri and I said let’s buy a shore house. So naturally we included Sherri’s parents. We looked around Sea Isle, Ocean City and other towns and eventually found the perfect place for us in Wildwood.

I think we decided within a day once we saw it and put an offer in. We got it 10 days before Sandy hit in 2012. We dedicated a room for Sherri’s parents, installed a ceiling fan, painted the bottom sand color and the top sky blue. And in line with The Jersey Shore we called their room The Smoosh Room. In case you didn’t know, there is a show called The Jersey Shore on MTV they had such a room.

Donald Nothacker’s Wildwood Memories

We made many great memories at our Wildwood house. Don would reminisce about his memories in Wildwood. His Aunt Dot and Rick owned the Wildwood Bakery. Had fond memories visiting them. It was always interesting hearing him telling us those stories. You knew how much he loved it there. He even said how much he loved that we included him. I’m very happy that Sherri and I were able to provide these memories for them, especially for Don.

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They both loved their time at the beach. They’d bring their cooler with snacks, drinks, their beach chairs, their umbrella. They’d take us out to dinner at least once nearly every time they came down at Beach Creek, The Boat House, Uries, surprise us with pizza or cheesesteaks from Bills Corner Deli. We’d also take rides up to AC to the casinos and do the buffets. Again, I really loved that we were able to provide this for them, especially Don.

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Travel

Don was always respectful. He never cursed in front of his family. But I noticed if it was just me and him together some choice words would slip from time to time. Wait…is there another side of Don?
Ok – Story Time: I needed to travel for something. I really don’t remember what it was for but I needed a ride to the airport. Don offered and I accepted. Things were going good. Taking 295 south to 130 to the Commodore Barry. He had to merge onto 95 north then the Philly came out of him and he started speaking in tongues. Yelling at the drivers too close to him, cutting him off. If you know me, you know I like to joke around and would say the most wild stuff. The stuff that started saying MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. I’ve joked about it ever since with him.

Take Time

We may be fortunate to spend one minute with someone to never cross paths with them again. I am fortunate to spend nearly 3/4s of my life with my first wife while having her amazing parents be part of our lives for nearly half of theirs. And I think everything worked out the way it was intended.

I licked my dad’s lead bars he used for making rounds (he was a cop in Paulsboro and later retired as Chief of Paulsboro Police Department), became neurodivergent, stayed back twice, met and married Sherri and included Sherri’s parents in our lives like they included us in theirs. Take advantage of the time you have now. I beg you to go to dinner, laugh, make jokes, break balls, help when needed…you’ll look back and you might just be happy you did like I am now. I know I am…we know we are…we are so happy that we included Sherri’s parents in nearly every aspect of our lives.

But in all seriousness, one moment that I feel was really special for him was when our son Johnny went with Dad, Billy, and Luke to a NASCAR race. A professional NASCAR photographer Dan Ryan who Johnny knew took the photo of them together. I never told anyone this but the photo of that moment made me cry…it was an ugly cry…a happy ugly cry for nearly 10 minutes. Because, I knew it meant the world to Don for him to be there with the three of them but I also knew that Johnny would NEVER forget that moment.
Signed, Your Special Son.

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Eglington Cemetery

The burial service was at Eglington Cemetery located in Clarksboro, New Jersey. His burial plot is right next to his sister Judy.

The After Party

Although we put things on pause life doesn’t stop. We will continue to cherish our memories with Don. My in-laws meant the world to me. We’ll continue to include Sherri’s mom in whatever activity we can as they did ours. We’ve been at her house every day prior to the service and since the service. It’s a way for us to get through this together.